Okay so I have been lying to my friends and family and myself.

About B. Because no matter how I dress it up or put it down or try my hardest to forget it completely, this situation is not going away. So I decided, I would rather see him everyday and torture myself a tiny bity everyday, than not see him at all and feel completely dejected and rejected and any other "-jected" that means feeling like shit. After all, the tiny bits of torture are not bad, not bad at all, since it is balanced out by the chance and privilege to see him and experience the way I feel when I do.