Is this how it is supposed to be?
I had an amazing night last night. It can be described as a little bit less than a night on the town with friends. I might have made some new friends. I may have attracted some attention....
But I felt so real again. I hadn't felt the way I did in a while. Not since 9th grade, when everything was so new.
I am alone with my thoughts. I am alone with confusion and emptiness, and something akin to throbbing in my chest.
Is this because everything has become old hat? I am used to the life I lead now, but has that fallen away...is it not enough now?
I broke out of my shell and became a real human being when I started high school. though small, I felt like I was living for the first time. The simplest things gave me a thrill all for being so foreign and new.
For this, should I be wary?
My options right now are either continue in this pathetic hole of lone despair, or find that thrill again. Find something to restart the fire I know I have.
My only worry is if I will keep to my beliefs and spirit.
To get the kindling I need? How far will I go to get it.
Worse, what will I do when it is not enough?
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