Hiding WARNING: SOME PRETENTIOUSNESS AND UNCENCORED VANITY. I WARNED YOU SO DON'T FREAKING JUDGE. I AM JSUT TELLING IT HOW IT IS.

I hide behind my clothes.

I just realized that today.
I was sitting in class, minding my own business when I could not help but nothice a friend of mine, K, sitting a few seats away. She was wearing a plain black t-shirt, ripped blue jeans, and some tacky brown boots. Yet she was the hottest commodity in the dating stratosphere last year, and still has some heat coming back to school.

But...I am the girl sitting in a soft blue blouse, eyelet white skirt, little brown belt, and printed wedge heels. What does she have that I do not?

I know what you are thinking. Maybe she is nice? Maybe she is cute and flirty and smart? Well, I know this is rather vain, but I possess those qualities as well. I am also polite and open minded and sincere and kind and worldly (to an extent-mixed family, lots of travel....). Anyway, I am pretty equal to her in terms of personality ans social standing.

So why is she so much more desirable? Because of all the things I have compared I have yet to mention physique. Let me tell you straight-mine is better. However this is only because I do sports and am active 6 days a week and she is not. And YES-I KNOW! Body type (i.e. skinny vs. fat, pear shape, model slim, whatever) has nothing to do with the kind of guy you want to attract, but it was the only thing I had left to compare. So it boiled down to this: since we were even socially and personality wise, outter characteristics were the only things left to break the bar. And I score higher than her body-wise and style-wise.

Now I am not saying the last two are the most important. The fact that she is actually persued by guys and I am not is a clear sign that it does not matter.

But after turning off my adolecent brain for a moment, I realized something that we both had in common, yet at the same time could not be any farther apart.

We both expressed ourselves. However she did so through music, and I did so through my clothes.

The only problem is that her way is very popular and appeals to many people and actually puts into words the things she wants people to know about her. How she is feeling about something that happened to her that nobody can ever imagine unless you listen to her song available on iTunes now.
(I am not super fond of K if you have not figured that out)

Anyway. My channel of expression? Well...it is more subtle. Wearing jeans and a t-shirt instead of a killer dress in black boots doesn't really scream I AM HAVING A BAD DAY, I HAVE NOBODY TO COMFORT ME SO PLEASE GIVE ME A HUG AND BUY MY SONG.

I think I am not that person anymore. I am not the fashionista, belongs-in-another-era, mature, and somtimes stand-offish girl I have become known as. No I may be someone else now. But afraid of changing in a place that is still the same might be holding me back, so for now I walk unhappily on the inside, hiding that behind my clothes and smiles.

Huh....

NAH! Where did this even come from?! I didn't even plan on concluding this post this way-I'm going to bed :P